Woodpecker Attacks Pence!

Apparently in search of grubs and other wood-boring insects, a woodpecker yesterday attacked Vice-President Mike Pence. “The bird apparently believed the Vice-President was a tree, probably a resinous softwood,” said Finley Peabody of the Cornell Lab of Ornithology. The bird was captured by the Secret Service and is being held for questioning. Following treatment for a previously undiagnosed infestation of pine beetles, Vice-President Pence is said to be resting comfortably.