Trump Signs Legislation Authorizing Sexual Misconduct

This afternoon, President Donald Trump signed legislation authorizing sexual misconduct by male federal elected and appointed officials. “Sometimes, we need to show them our Johnson,” joked the President, referring to Congressman Stan Johnson (R, Wisconsin, 8th District), who attended the public bill signing. Although all female House and Senate members had voted “nay,” their votes were recorded as “aye.” “We believed we were pursuing shared feelings,” chuckled Senator Joe “The Ripper” McLain (R, N. Dakota), presiding from the Senate dais. At the request of Interior Secretary Zinke, a last-minute amendment permitting horse-groping was inserted. “I didn’t hear a neigh on that one,” chortled Congressman Hoss Weston (D, Montana, 17th District).