Scientists Agree: Polar Ice Caps and McConnell's Face Are Melting

At the conclusion of this year's Conference of the Consortium of International Scientists at The Hague, Netherlands, Consortium President Hans Kleb announced: "It is the unanimous opinion of scientists at this year's conference that the polar ice caps and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell's face are melting at unprecedented rates." He added, "At this rate, within three years, coastal cities will be flooded and Senator McConnell will look like the bad guy in 'Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade' who drank from from the wrong grail."