MEDIA WAREHOUSING “WAR” SYNONYMS FOR UPCOMING SUPREME COURT NOMINATION PROCESS

CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, and newspapers across the country are purchasing and warehousing all trite, hackneyed, and timeworn “war” synonyms for headlines during the upcoming nomination process for a U.S. Supreme Court justice. “We acted quickly and successfully bought the rights to ‘armageddon,’ ‘blitzkreig,’ and ‘carnage,’” boasted Fox News CEO William Canker. “Poor CNBC,” he chuckled, “I think they got stuck with ‘scuffle’ and ‘skirmish.’” To promote coverage, CNN announced that all on-camera reporters covering the story will be wearing battle fatigues and helmets.