GOP Senators’ Emotions Attributed to Rare Menstrual Cycle Synchrony

After consulting with medical experts, the GOP has confirmed through a spokesperson that emotional outbursts at yesterday’s hearing by Republican members of the Senate Judiciary Committee are attributable to a rare biological phenomenon: menstrual cycle synchrony. “These hard-working Senators have spent so much time with each other,” said the spokesperson, “that their menstrual cycles have synchronized, and that made them all very emotional right now.” Nevertheless, today’s scheduled committee vote will take place. “Last night, they all shared a bottle of Chardonnay, a hot bath, and pedicures. They’re much better today,” assured the spokesperson.