BREAKING NEWS: Recently unclassified FBI documents reveal Donald Trump's True Identity

This week, unclassified FBI documents pertaining to the investigation into Donald Trump's true identity have revealed that he is in fact a sentient anus. The anus in question rebelled against its host body and took over minor brain functions after being forced to endure the aftermath of too many KFC Double Down sandwiches. This study thus confirms reports that Donald Trump has been "talking out of his ass" and is "literally the biggest asshole on the planet."