Sen. Lindsey Graham to Federal Prosecutor: " It's an action figure, not a doll!"
A major point of contention between republicans (R-Men) and the federal prosecutor they hired was put out in the open today during the hearing of Brett Kavanaugh during his Supreme Court hearing.
Senator Lindsay Graham (R- in the closet) challenged female Federal prosecutor Mitchell and her line of questioning concerning Brett Kavanaugh's college years.
Federal prosecutor Mitchell pulled out what Republicans consider their "ace in the hole", when it comes to the optics of one of their own: an entitlement doll.
Just as Federal Prosecutor Mitchell was about to ask Brett Kavanaugh;"where on the entitlement doll did Dr. Ford hurt him ?" Sen Graham,(R- Blue Oyster club) destroyed their own protocol by stating," let's get one thing straight Lady, it's not a doll ,it's an action figure! ."
Many female aides could be seen putting their heads in their hands and sighing deeply.
After consulting with medical experts, the GOP has confirmed through a spokesperson that emotional outbursts at yesterday’s hearing by Republican members of the Senate Judiciary Committee are attributable to a rare biological phenomenon: menstrual cycle synchrony. “These hard-working Senators have spent so much time with each other,” said the spokesperson, “that their menstrual cycles have synchronized, and that made them all very emotional right now.” Nevertheless, today’s scheduled committee vote will take place. “Last night, they all shared a bottle of Chardonnay, a hot bath, and pedicures. They’re much better today,” assured the spokesperson.
Late this afternoon, Senator Lindsey Graham angrily screamed his outrage at the level of hyperbole in the October 27 Blasey/Kavanaugh hearing. “Never in the 3.5 billion years of life on earth,” bellowed the red-faced Graham, “have elected officials used such absurd hyperbole.” As Senate staffers alerted medics who were on-call for certain histrionics, the spitting but blow-dried Graham said, “All of you who are guilty of over-stating matters here today will endure the white-hot, flesh-searing flames of hell for everlasting eternity!” In an effective act of one-upmanship, Judge Brett Kavanaugh responded by tearing his own nose off and throwing it at Senator Dianne Feinstein.
Trump Orders FEMA to Distribute Death Certification Forms for Victims of Florence
Today, President Trump instructed FEMA to drop thousands of death certification forms over North and South Carolina allowing dead people to certify that they died from the storm’s effects. “All a dead person needs to do is complete this form, have it notarized, and take it to the local FEMA office,” said Trump spokesperson Sarah Huckabee Sanders. “It will enable us to get real numbers of actual dead people, not Democrat-inflated numbers of fake dead people.” As FEMA workers mobilize to collect the completed forms, local officials instructed notaries to keep their seals and stamps with them at all times as they evacuate or await rescue, in the event they are contacted by a dead person.
President Donald Trump tweeted that Francisco Franco is “still not dead” and that the Democrats have “inflated his deadness.” A spokesman for the former Spanish dictator’s family responded that, so far as the family knows, Franco hasn’t moved or spoken for decades but could simply be simply “laying low.” Trump simultaneously announced a new summit meeting with Franco in November.