 Parents blame Trump!
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Russian avant-garde film director Jason Sukmeov has just announced the long awaited sequel to the Tom Hanks /Meg Ryan vehicle, You've Got Mail.
Sukmeov is in the works writing his sequel You've Got Mail 2 Russian Font Boogaloo. "I chose Trump Jr for this part not just because he will soon need a country to hide in to avoid prosecution, but Donald Trump jr. just makes sense to our russian citizens." Sukmeov continued, "DTJ2 is on the verge of being our version of Germany's version of David Hasselhoff. DTJ2 will be my thespian. Donald Trump jr. Will be my Baryshnikov and I need someone to be able to pull off the Romantic twist to my movie." When asked who is playing Reg Ryan's role, Sukmeov's shoulders slumped and said," Edward Snowden in a wig... these sanctions suck. I can't afford outside talent. So we do what we can do,okay?!" You've Got Mail two Russian Font Boogaloo plans to open in 2018.  At the conclusion of this year's Conference of the Consortium of International Scientists at The Hague, Netherlands, Consortium President Hans Kleb announced: "It is the unanimous opinion of scientists at this year's conference that the polar ice caps and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell's face are melting at unprecedented rates." He added, "At this rate, within three years, coastal cities will be flooded and Senator McConnell will look like the bad guy in 'Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade' who drank from from the wrong grail."
 Mickey Goldmill Appointed Administrator of Republican Health Care System
Secretary of Health and Human Services Tom Price has named Mickey Goldmill, Rocky's trainer, as Administrator of the Better Care Reconciliation Act soon to be adopted by Senate Republicans. Brought out of retirement once again, the 103-year-old athletic trainer tweeted to Americans, "You're gonna eat lightning. You're gonna crap thunder.#getupyousonofabitch"  The man achieved more than any other person ever.
 Because nothing goes better with your morning coffee than sushi!
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