A spokesperson from Webster's Dictionary said the definition will change only in American dictionaries. "The rest of the world knows and understands the meaning."
Jacksonville Sketch Comedy Group Refuses To Perform at Trump Inauguration, Not That Anyone Asked
Awkward Silence Jax has joined the list of performers who have refused to perform at President-elect Trump's impending inauguration, despite never having been asked or even considered. The group's media liaison, Gary Baker said "I would have liked to been asked just so I could say 'Hell no!' But no one asked and that's fine I guess."
The group assured everyone they could possibly speak to that they had no interest in doing the performance whatsoever, despite it never really being a possibility in the first place.
After the bombshell story claiming that Russian intelligence has information that Donald Trump enjoyed going to Russia and watch women pee on beds in front of him , Donald Trump has decided to go the whole nine yards and have the Republicans change their logo and their name from The G.O.P to the GOPee.
Trump had hoped he could slide this story in without anyone noticing especially since president Obama was giving his Farewell Address.
In a statement today one of Trump's advisors said:" hey everything else in his Palace is gold ,might as well have his fantasies be that way as well...just like Real Americans. Besides. Didn't R.Kelly do this? Well. There you have it."
In a late night addendum to this story R Kelly will be performing at Trump's inauguration.
In a tweet from the singer on Tuesday night, R. Kelly seems to be proud of his urine scandal. Trump tweeted back, "I gave new meaning to "making it rain".
John the Baptist, citing unreconcilable differences with the baptists, is switching to Catholicism. "Losing my my head really helped me see things clearly", Baptist said.
Mayor Lenny Curry is suing Curry All Indian restaurant on the southside for use of "curry" in the restaurant's name. "They can't use it without my permission", Curry said. At a press conference, the mayor was pressed on how he felt about the spice. "I am the only spice Jacksonville needs!", Curry said.
Last week a Clemson defensive lineman, Christian Watkins grabbed an Ohio State player in an appropriate place long after the whistle had blown the play dead. After the game reporters spoke with teammates about Watkins grab. "He was just confused. He didn't realize we were only going after Quarterback sacks".
Dr. Whoson First conducted a study of 100 patients from a hospital in the Jungle of Nool. 50 patients were given real news and 50 were given fake news. All 50 of the patients given real news passed on; however, the 50 given just fake news were all cleared by Tardis and were allowed to return home in time to celebrate Festivus. One patient, Mr. Kobiashi was thrilled to learn of his cure and planned to visit his brother Kaiser Soze as soon as possible. All news outlets plan on just publishing fake news, while Facebook is quoted in saying, " We deserve a medal or something, we've been posting fake news for years."
If you don't like that article, here is another opinion. I simply just pressed the middle word option given on my phone in text messages.
Dr. Whoson First conducted a trade with the new year on a top pick to be a fair deal to trump. We can try and put it on a team. We are all good and Fun and the other team is the only team to win this game. The kids will have a good time and will bring the kids back up and come out soon. The last thing is the only way I could be the grocery list and the other one I would like for a good time and aggravation to the doctor.
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A recent study performed by UCLA's Ethics Attributed To Salivating department (EATS) has shown that there has been a rise in cannibalism between siblings over the past 10 years. One of the participants in the study said of her two children, "Everything was fine and then after we revealed we got them both a Trampoline, they hugged each other and started jumping. Then, it seemed like a switch was thrown and all that happiness turned to horror when Emily started chewing on Samantha!"
The scientists at EATS believe this rise is due to the new regime change in America which has been showing kids that they need to take for themselves and not care about any other human being.
Darth Vader announced THE empire has cut ties with COMCAST due to their lack of speed when Vader needed it the most in order to keep the Death Star blueprints safe from rebel hands.
When pressed, Vader said," Monopolies just suck. COMCAST has no competition anywhere in the universe. You'd think their internet speed could be faster, but nooooooo. I'm done. I'm just done with their bullshit.
The Empire will now go to SLING.. Thanks to COMCASTS lack of help with their customer service, Princess Leia got the damn message out. Thanks, assholes."