Darth Vader announced THE empire has cut ties with COMCAST due to their lack of speed when Vader needed it the most in order to keep the Death Star blueprints safe from rebel hands.
When pressed, Vader said," Monopolies just suck. COMCAST has no competition anywhere in the universe. You'd think their internet speed could be faster, but nooooooo. I'm done. I'm just done with their bullshit.
The Empire will now go to SLING.. Thanks to COMCASTS lack of help with their customer service, Princess Leia got the damn message out. Thanks, assholes."